His mercy goes on and on and on and on and ...

Hi Everyone,

       Not having spoke about it to each other, both Gary and I met this month's appointment with much anxiety. Two months ago, his white count went up instead of down. Then last month we saw the number fall slightly, at least moving once again in the right direction. Being a busy month for our company, Gary met the physical challenges of being a business owner and worked without skipping a beat through the Thanksgiving holiday. It took it's toll on him and he managed to log in more naps than usual, which we encouraged.
       As I waited to meet Gary at his appointment, I sat on a bench just outside the Baptist Cancer Center and watched as an ambulance transported a small child, his concerned mother hovering safely beside the gurney;  a husband helping his wife, with her walker and turban coiffed head to their car; a daughter helped her elderly father, one eye fully patched from a recent procedure, get in her car as she assisted him with his seat belt for what I assumed to be the drive home; a wigged woman came out of the automatic doors just behind me; and I looked to the west parking lot as my husband of 34 years locked his work truck and with a healthy stride, walked toward me with a reassuring smile, as if to say he was glad, once again, that I was accompanying him to these difficult appointments. At that moment, I realized I had so much to be thankful for... by all appearances, we were a lot better off than most.
       Our appointment began with one good report after another. Gary's weight and vitals were excellent, including an excellent BP. Dr. Guthrie walked in with a smile and immediately stated Gary's red count was normal, his platelets were normal and his white count had come down from 14,800 to 12,000. (That's almost 3000 points from last month!) He proceeded to poke and prod Gary's upper-body lymph nodes and couldn't find anything enlarged. Here are his words as best as I can remember...

        "I am very pleased with this months results. I looked at your blood with my eye under the microscope and I still see a few cancer cells in the smear, but not near as many as when you first came here. I want your blood to be stone-cold perfect before we take you off the Chlorambucil/Prednisone. Perfect for you will be around 9000 so it won't be too long. Can you handle this, Gary? (Gary shook his head emphatically 'yes.') This way, your remission will last a lot longer until you have to face this again. By the time you need treatment again, you will hopefully be 65 and have Medicare coverage, giving you an opportunity at new or other treatment options each time you face this. Who knows, we may try the Chlorambucil again since you're having such favorable results. Through the hundreds of patients I have treated, we've seen so many success stories. This cancer will always be with you, but it won't kill you. You'll probably die of other causes."

       Gary and I looked at each other and busted out in laughter, knowing he was probably right. Gary is kindred to a cat with nine lives, only we've lost count as to how many he has left!
       This was such good news. Dr. Guthrie wrote the chemotherapy prescriptions for the next four months but said he doubted we would need to fill them all. We shook hands and said goodbye until next months appointment in January.
       As Gary and I stood together waiting for the elevator down to the main floor, my heart was overwhelmingly relieved by everything that just happened. We pray, you pray, ask God, believe God, cry, cry out to God, and sometimes even lose faith (even though you don't) while going through the cancer motions. I couldn't stop the tears of joy as my body leaked the built-up emotion inside of me. "Thank You Jesus" was all I could mutter through my tears. Those waiting for the same elevator completely understood.
        Dr. Guthrie reiterated the Chlorambucil is still killing off the cancer cells present in Gary's blood so we continue to pray for:

• the chemotherapy to single out the cancerous cells ONLY, leaving healthy cells alone
• the drugs to go out and accomplish what they were intended to do and not return void
• Gary to have continued strength and stamina as he nears remission
• rest for the weary in well-dong

       Another month is now behind us since the report first grazed our ears back in April of this year. We look ahead to yet another and another in a series of good reports, but also look behind only to see how far we've come as a result of God's unending grace and mercy. Merry Christmas and thank you for standing with our family through this difficult time. You are the greatest gift of all!

Just like the tag in Rita Springer's song,
His mercy goes on and on and on and on and on and....

Chrissy Larson

A Bump in the Road

can·cer [kan-ser]

noun

1. Pathology 

    a. a malignant and invasive growth or tumor, especially one originating in epithelium, tending to     recur after excision and to metastasize to other sites.

    b. any disease characterized by such growths.

2. any evil condition or thing that spreads destructively; blight.

No matter how it's defined, it sucks. 

Last months report was wonderful... Gary's white blood count was steadily dropping, nearing the top of the normal range and we saw good numbers for the red blood cells and platelets.  Even though his lymph nodes under his arms were swollen and he still saw cancer cells in his blood smear,  it was a good month. 

Today, we rounded the corner and hit a pothole. Although the reds and platelets are now in the normal ranges, the whites climbed from last months reading of 10,000 back up to 14,000. There was no sign of swelling under his arms, which was fabulous. Gary visibly showed shock on his face, expecting the numbers to fall, not rise. It reminded me of weeks when I dieted so diligently, only to see weight gain instead of loss. Ughhh!

The fight gets so hard sometimes. That's why many liken cancer to a journey, up-hill battle, or a roller coaster ride. You can never see what's around the corner or predict the terrain. It's kind of like driving in a dense fog with one foot of visibility. If the road looks good now, hang on because caution signs are probably up ahead. Or maybe not. Or maybe, it just sucks!

I asked Dr. Guthrie (right in front of Gary) if we should be disappointed by these numbers and he said "no, we expect this as we start to approach remission." In my minds eye, I immediately saw a green informational road sign that read, "Remission Ahead" and got excited. But all Gary could focus on was the white blood count number and he took his foot off the gas. Dr Guthrie explained that sometimes the blood tolerates the drug ineffectively and needs a jolt so he increased the chemo meds this month and is confident his blood will respond to the change. 

Pray for Gary... he needs to stay focused on the destination, not the road. Yes, we have many more miles to travel, and battling cancer is like fighting sleep while driving, even after you've downed a 5-Hour Energy drink. After today's bump in the road, I got out the map again so I could remind Gary where we were headed, but ask that you say an extra prayer for my tired traveler. He's not a quitter, but he's weary in well doing. 

Really, thanks for praying, all of you,

Chrissy

FINDING JOY IN THE VALLEYS

As many of my readers already know, my husband was recently diagnosed with a return of the cancer he faced 11 years ago. We have been keeping friends, family, and prayer partners updated through emails, since it was the most efficient way to get the word out and keep the prayer chain strong. I apologize for not posting here, but honestly just considered my blog followers might have also wondered what happened to me.

Gary recently had his 5th appointment with Dr. Guthrie and since I was not there to attend, I'm not able to pass along any numbers that the doctor went over with him. I misplaced my car keys and then missed the appointment. I will give you all the information I have as given to me by Gary (he is more of a "headlines" person, skipping details whenever possible.)

Dr. Guthrie was pleased with his weight, which is now back to normal. Vitals were normal as well. His white count is down somewhere around 16,000 and his reds and platelets are still on the rise. This is good news, confirming the medicine regimen Dr. Guthrie has chosen for Gary is working beautifully. The doctor also said it is working so well, he doesn't see why he wouldn't use this choice of chemotherapy in the future when it returns again. That statement says quite a bit as Dr. Guthrie knows of newer drugs out there but with a very, very hefty price tag attached. He based his decision on afford-ability (considering our situation) while not compromising effectiveness. We have always trusted he had Gary's best interests at heart. Our prayer in the very beginning was that God would lead us to someone we could totally trust with Gary's treatment and He answered our prayers. We truly are in a place of rest where these decisions are concerned.

As far as the above statement "when it returns" goes, we are at rest with that too. We decided not to be in denial where this cancer is concerned, but know our God still heals today. We wouldn't bother you with prayer requests if we didn't believe in miracles. First things first, let's keep praying Gary sees remission sooner than later and then later I'll ask you to pray it never returns again.

Since Gary did his blood work a full week before his appointment, Dr. Guthrie said his numbers didn't show as true a reading if he'd had done the tests a few days before the appointment. In other words, the tests would have reflected better numbers.

The only down side to the appointment was that Dr. Guthrie said he thought Gary would need at least 9 treatments to reach remission and the treatments would go back to about one every four weeks. That news was discouraging to Gary because he can not depend his body like he used to during chemotherapy. Being the energetic person that he is, he is having to learn to pace himself differently, a difficult challenge for him.

God has been clear about the idea of rest for Gary throughout this entire summer. His blessings have overtaken us with an exclamation point! We were given the use of peoples homes for the clear purpose and intent of Gary getting the opportunity to s-l-o-w d-o-w-n. It has proven to be exactly what he (and I) needed.

While in West Virginia last week resting in someones cabin, we went on several motorcycle rides. The roads in West Virginia are some of the most beautiful roads I have ever ridden. I would compare them to my favorite roller coasters with plenty of dips and turns, leaving your stomach at the top of one hill and catching up with it again at the top of another. Every time I saw a valley, I knew a thrill was coming as I ascended the next climb. The view from each mountain was spectacular!

That could easily describe cancer but without the thrill. The thing I asked myself while enjoying the roads in West Virginia was what good could be found in the valley? Well, one thing is for sure... there will always be a hill to anticipate on the other side.

We may face valleys in our lives but God wants us to anticipate the hilltops we will rise to as all part of the journey. I faced a few fears head on but the lessons I learned were worth it. We constantly ask God what's ahead and He seems to find joy in keeping it all a surprise.

Thanks again for your prayers. We will continue to keep you up-dated of Gary's progress. We go to bed tonight on a hilltop, not knowing if and when a valley is up ahead. Round four of chemotherapy starts in the morning. What we do know is that if we face a valley, surely we will rise to yet another view at the top of the hill.

Finding joy in the valley,

Chrissy Larson
(Cyberpsalmist)

QUESTION OF THE WEEK

TV, Movies, and There 

Affect On our Lives

By

Thomas Brooke

Movies As Literature Student Writer

 

In the past few months, I have been struck by the amount of references my siblings and I make to the movies and TV shows we watched while growing up. It seems inconceivable to be with my family and not reference the Princess Bride, Monty Python, or The Simpson's.  My family has been molded to a degree by these shows in their entertainment and their educational value as well as their practical value in our daily lives.

 

You may think it’s not creative to copy and insert someone else’s lines into your own family conversation but the creativity is found in the timing and the repetition.  Even while thinking about my dad, who has been in Tampa for the past ten days, I felt connected to Inigo in the Princess Bride when his famous line flashed through my mind, “I want my father back you….”  Well, you know the line.   Although the Princess Bride is not a book based on sports, its thrilling fights, wit and escapes encompassed many hours of my family’s time.  But perhaps more time was spent in quoting and reminiscing then in the actual watching of the film. 

 

While these movies were entertaining to our family, they were very educational too.  From Monty Python, we learned that some systems of government are favored above others. 

 

“Listen strange women, lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.”

 

We learned it was possible to free climb a rope up a sheer cliff, have that rope cut and still manage to hang on and complete the climb.  You can be “some dead” but not “all dead” and miracles can be bought.  While you may have been taught to revere the legend of the Knights of the Round Table, for choosing right rather than might, you should know that Camelot is a silly place. 

 

But it’s not only about the educational and entertaining value, it also provided ideas for staple meals.  One of my favorite family dinners is fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn on the cob and salad.  This is  Bob’s dinner from What about Bob?.  We know the whole conversation during the meal and after when Leo is saved by Bob’s quick reaction, and the family’s encouragement, “higher, with your knee more!”  (He lives; you looked worried.)

 

  As you can see there are a few movies and shows that have affected my family, from what we eat to our views on proper authority, to simple entertainment.  So the question I pose to you is this: name three movies/TV shows that have affected you growing up and how they still affect you today?

QUESTION OF THE WEEK

Of course I have this book on my shelf; it's somewhere.

 This weekend, I found myself exhausted. A look inside my house and you will see remnants of everything I've done for the past two weeks scattered around. Unpaid bills, camping equipment, cookbooks, a folder full of accompaniment tracks, and a sewing machine are all reminders of projects started and then interrupted. I've broken every organizational law and feel like I need to go back to clutter rehab. If I could implement three of my own personal rules of uncomplicating life, I would be able to see my way to the light soon.

One of easiest ways I have found to cut down on chaos is to put things away where you found them. Not only that, try not to touch it more than once. In other words, don't set it down on the way to where it belongs, put it where it belongs right away.

Another great tip is setting aside time in your busy schedule to clean-up and reorganize yourself after projects. My sister says I'm busier that a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest. I would agree with her. Having two teenagers who don't drive yet runs me ragged. I thought this kind of thing would ease up as I became more experienced, mature, whatever you wanna call mothering with more years under my belt. I don't feel like I'm better at this yet. Maybe when I'm a grandma. WAIT! I am a grandma!!!

Me zipping through my smooth life!

The last and most important of my rules is, "Don't put off tomorrow what you can do today." Oooo, I felt that one reach out and bite someone. For those of us who do this, pressure is the very ingredient that jump-starts are creativity. Deadlines looming overhead make us face up to and finish the inevitable. The way I tap procrastination energy is to make up a fake deadline in my mind, before the task is due. It works!

How about you? What are three simple ways to make life less complicated? Please share so we can all get better at this!

Thanks for your input,
Chrissy Larson
aka cyberpsalmist

QUESTION OF THE WEEK

Positively Charged 
by Chrissy Larson

In the midst of a hectic life, we have to make sure to find ways to keep our spirits high. From the time I take my warm toes out from under my sheets to the time I put them back again, life has the potential of getting me down. Here are three things to keep your head up: think the best of people, remember to smile, laugh at your mistakes.

I don't know how many times in a day I have the opportunity to get offended but I can honestly say it's usually a lot. From the way someone speaks to me to the blank stare I get when I ask a perfectly sane question, I can choose to take things personal or give people the benefit of the doubt by letting comments, inflections, and physical expressions roll off my back. Psalm 119:165 says, "Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them." When I choose to think the best of someone, I eliminate offense.


On the flip side of that, my countenance sets not only the mood in my house but affects people in my path. Most days, it's easy for me to smile. Those muscles, from what I am told, were the first to get a workout when I was an infant. But sometimes I have days when the gray cloud just won't disappear over my head. It's best if I don't have to leave the house, make important decisions, or answer many questions. I simply put up a Red Flag Warning, stating it's bad weather up ahead and my family seems to understand that tomorrow should be a better day. No matter how dismal my day is though, I still try to put a smile on my face. It makes a difference, even for me.

In my work,  I meet many interesting people. On one particular job, the woman I was working for had many awards and accolades displaying her service and generosity to various schools and organizations. With a letter signed by the president himself, she was one of President Bush's "1000 Points of Light" for making a difference in Jacksonville. I asked her to lunch after my work in her home was finished because I wanted to know her secret to success. The most significant thing she said to me over a Chick-Fil-A sandwich was, "My husband taught me to laugh at my mistakes." I thought about that for awhile and decided it was extremely profound. We make enough mistakes to disqualify ourselves from anything positive or good. If left to my own opinion of me, I am a hopeless loser. But the truth of the matter is humanness is humorous. If God can laugh and move on then why can't we?


So why not laugh at your mistakes? You are funny, especially when you do something stupid! While you're laughing at yourself, a smile will naturally take over your face. That's a good time to roll off offenses and make sure you're dishing out as much grace to others as you would hope to receive yourself. Since life is so full of negatives, be the positive charge as often as you can :)


What is your #1 tip for being happy?

QUESTION OF THE WEEK

I'VE GOT 
LONE STAR LOVE
by Emily Stutsman
Movies As Literature Student

"There's something about traveling that unlocks the brain. It gets you out of your routine, it shows you a different way of life, the jet lag puts you in a creative fog." -Nathan

The summer I was 13 years old, as well as when I was 14, I traveled out to Texas. I rode in a truck with a trailer escorted by Ms. Bobbi Williams. I was so excited because it was my first time really being away from home for a long period of time. Another reason for my excitement was there, I would meet eight-time NFR team roping champion, Speed Williams (Ms. Bobbi's son).

We drove for 14 hours straight, all the way to Texas. When Ms. Bobbi and I arrived in that Lone Star state, we had to stop at Tony Bracin’s house and let the horses out to stretch their legs. His house was on a 2,000-acre ranch. It was the most beautiful, breath-taking place I had ever seen. It had cows freely grazing in huge green fields and a river running through the acreage. I plan to move near Fairfield, Texas when I have my career set. 

 
We were finally on our way to Speed's house in Llano. The minute we got there, it was all busy, busy, busy. I have always loved staying busy, so there I was, in heaven! We always had ropings to go to or horses to be worked! To this day, those two summers have been the best summers I have ever experienced and I praise God that I was able to do it. Texas is by far my most favorite place to be!

If you have a favorite place where would it be??

QUESTION OF THE WEEK

Now That's Something I Could Do Without!

Ya know, if there was one thing I could do without in my life, it would be sleep. As much as I love to sleep, and enjoy making zzzzz's, I wish it wasn't a requirement. It takes up 6-8 precious hours of my life, involves a time-consuming bedtime routine, and interrupts the flow of my nocturnal creative juices.

I have so many better things to do other than sleep, like write music, sew, scrapbook, write, read, research, organize, play, cruise, fix and build, cook, clean, shop on-line, etc., etc. The list goes on and on. I fight against going to bed because it's in the wee hours of the night that I can finally hear myself think. It's also when all my little chicks and the rooster are tucked in tight that I have the complete run of my quiet house. No one is calling my name!

When forced to slumber, I must face extra dental duties, forebear swallowing evening supplements, and follow through with various other personal responsibilities, all of which annoy me. Unlike other family members of mine who don't mind following every rule, I shrink back with a bit of rebellion at the thought of having to fulfill all of my bedtime routine.

The only routine I enjoy is saying "goodbye" to a chaotic day and "hello" to some me-time. With the rest of the house asleep, I can look forward to uninterrupted bliss. Something flips my creativity switch on and away I go, as if it's the top of the morning!

As I write this blog, it's almost 3:30 AM (I guess that IS the top of the morning) and I realize I need to PUT my body to bed. As much as I wish I could get along without sleep, I do enjoy fluffing my pillow, getting into the fetal position, and watching a dream sequence on the backside of my eyelids. Sleep is a good way to end the day and certainly helps me greet a brand new one, complete with all it's challenges. So for my own good, I'll say goodnight. But before I go, I must ask you one question...

If there was one thing you could do without in your life, what would it be???

QUESTION OF THE WEEK

Playing Your Hand
(This "Question of the Week' is written by Walter Morris, a 12th Grade student in my Movies As Literature class.)

Every day people die knowing full well that they will never be rich, or famous, or happy. It is a sad fact, yes, but a fact none the less, and a fact that one should not disregard. For it is our success that defines us as human beings, no? It’s kind of a cruel game. We are given this gift, this wonderful and terrible gift, and we are expected to make the most out of it in some way or another. And if not, then we have failed. Sometimes I catch my mind wandering about the people who make the most menial things I use. For example, buttons. All they do is hold clothes together, and sometimes not even very well. There are alternatives to buttons, surely. And even some that may be more effective and advantageous. So what about the person who makes these buttons? What is their impact on the world? - to hold sweaters together. And I will never know the name of the person who made the buttons on my sweater, and he or she shall never know me. And we will continue on in our lives to think very little about each other, and then we will die. Se la vie.

It is important to ask oneself, periodically, whether it is possible to ‘fail’ at life - to not achieve success. Given the sheer number of people the Earth moves in and out each day, I’m sure there has to be at least one who never accomplished their goals. At least one who reached for the stars, but never touched them. And of course there is the other end of the spectrum. People like Martin Luther King Jr., and Albert Einstein, and Mozart and Bach and Voltaire and Mahatma Gandhi. They are more famous and wealthy than this poor button-maker, but are they just as integral a part in the advancement of civilization? Surely someone made MLK Jr.’s buttons. But when one does not amount to much in contrast with these truly great people, does this define failure? Does this mean that all the hard work and effort John Doe put into school, and work, and relationships, and friends, has it all been in vain? Or is failure merely a human invention designed to motivate the human race to progress and thrive out of fear? Is success possible? Is failure? And most importantly, can one win a game that one never had a choice to play?

We are thrust into this world with very little. Feeble and young, we rely on our parents to help us survive. And slowly but surely, we learn. We learn about colors and shapes, and colors and shapes turns into letters, and then reading, followed by simple math, and more complex math, and social studies and geography, and religion. All the while establishing a foundation for ourselves in the way of a moral compass, and a conscience, and our personality. But the question remains: is one human more valuable than the next? We try to tell ourselves over and over that all humans are equal and valuable in their own rights, but we don’t buy it. Faced with a burning building, a bum and a lawyer trapped inside, it is obvious which one you would choose. And faced with a life of humble hard work only to earn barely enough to pay the bills, and a life of fame and fortune and glamour, the answer is obvious as well. But I remain determined yet to forge on through the incandescent flames of opportunity, naive and bullheaded. For the only constant in life is that one must play the hand he is dealt.

Classmates, in no less than 5 sentences explain to me what defines your personal success, how you plan to achieve it, and how you would feel if you fell short."

QUESTION OF THE WEEK

It's Never Too Late!

Have you ever said that to someone?
To yourself?

What makes or breaks this statement is the strength and conviction behind it. It means I either believe in you more than you believe in yourself OR you believe in you more than anyone else.

Over a year ago, I had a very serious talk with the Lord about some pretty major issues going on around me and in my life. Instead of answering me directly, He subject jumped me. (That's when you ask a question and instead of an answer, the person changes the subject. I HATE THAT!) The Lord gave me a challenge instead of an answer. He said to my spirit, "I want you to take it up a notch." What a wide-open statement! I could apply it to whatever arena of my life I wanted to. I asked the Lord for more clarification and He said, "Do something you never said or thought you could do... something others said you could never do. I'm gonna teach you courage."

I began to toss that idea around in my mind and recall saying, "Ill never ride my own motorcycle." Then I remember my husband said that to someone in a conversation, "You'll never see Chrissy riding a motorcycle. I'm lucky to get her to ride on the back of mine." I knew what I needed to do but it wasn't going to happen easy.

I began to do some research and started talking around. I found out about a Confidence Building Class for women who wanted to learn to ride. It was a one hour class taught for free at The Roar in Daytona Beach, Florida. I grabbed my sister, who was ready to get her endorsement and together, we took the class.

Shortly after that, we both signed up for our motorcycle endorsement class and before you know it, I had "Motorcycle Also" stamped on my driver's license. I found a bike in Tampa, Florida that suited me and trailered it straight to The Roar for them to service, as well as have them make adjustments to custom fit it to match my vertical challenges.

The first test of my courage came the day The Roar called me to say my bike was ready for pick-up. I would have to drive it home from Daytona Beach. Gary charted a scenic route for my maiden journey and followed me in the car as I captained my ride back to Jacksonville. Was I scared? Yes. Did it take courage? Absolutely! But I accepted the Lord's challenge and took it up a notch. He showed me there was more to me than meets my own eyes and there is way more to Him than the eye can see.

There's not a ride that goes by where I don't sense God's power and strength. I feel Him in the wind and smell Him in the breeze. He fascinates me each time I go for a cruise and often times, I'm able to share my story with biker wanna-bes who have no idea the short distance between their wishes and what could be their realities.

Just so you know, I'm not done stepping it up. I have had the Lord speak to me very specifically about other challenges, some of which I have already taken Him up on. On a side note - Remember those serious questions I mentioned before? Even though He side-stepped me, somehow many of those questions were answered along the way. Go figure :)

What if Jesus told you to "step it up a notch?" What would that entail for you?