I Feel the Urge

My labor was coming to an end, with its normal twists and turns. This baby was an answer to numerous private prayers to the Lord, asking Him to somehow bless me with another child to love. After many hours of concentrated breathing efforts, I began to feel a new sensation. It was strong and with it I experienced a fresh “wind in my sails.” I felt the urge to push.

My years as a home schooling Mom are far from over as I still have several in the nest that need training. I never could have imagined when I was young that I would be taking on the role of being my children’s educator. When that idea was first presented to me (unusually by my first child), I laughed thinking surely, I am entirely too inadequate. But my children have defied that reasoning, assuring me almost daily with a 100% approval rating saying, “I am the best teacher ever!”

It all started one morning parked outside the private school I had my son enrolled in. He and I were trying to let go of the hold we had on each other when we both heard the bell ring from my parked car next to the building. That meant another trip to the office for me and another tardy slip for him. Our excuse? We didn’t want to say goodbye. We felt that same way the night before he got married.

While some have enjoyed teaching their children to read, I can think of one child in particular who I could compare it to pulling eye teeth. She refused to sit still, much less show any kind of enjoyment over “couch time.” This one would rather be climbing a tree than sit with me for a few moments of cuddle time and a book. Somehow we got through those years and she is not illiterate. Her favorite book is by far the Song of Solomon. She reads it with incredible insight and her comprehension level is over the top.

I pray for tons of stamina and creativity as I continue on my journey. My 11 year old student takes me by surprise with his long, tender hugs. That’s not something every middle school teacher can brag about. Just when I feel like giving up, he seems to know exactly what I need. When others are counting the days to get away from their students on a “break,” I can honestly say, this child helps me appreciate my role as his teacher.

God knew what He was doing when I was told in my forties that I was pregnant. He knew that this little one would keep my life full and add to it daily with interest. She is the expression of joy and has a very keen sense of observation. I know I am suppose to be watching out for her but expect that she will in fact, be watching out for me. I didn’t understand the spacing between my children for years, but as the nest begins to empty, I see God’s grace and mercy through her toward me as a mother. I was never meant to be without one to teach.

My second child has now graduated and it's time for her to fly. She leaves in a week to a place that is halfway between my heart and the Pacific Ocean. I look back on our years together as child/parent, student/teacher, mother/daughter, and I can truly say I have no regrets. Together, we have finished the race. I am excited for all that God has planned for her. That’s not to say I won’t cry when she is 1,200 miles away. But we have a true friendship that’s stood the test of time and God has rewarded me with the ability to set her free. So now, once again, I feel the urge to push. It comes after a long, but good labor of love.